Shades of Gray
by Allen the Musician
Summary: When had the line between what was acceptable and what wasn't become so blurry? Mana had been willing to do anything for the brother that he treasured but now he wasn't sure that he'd made the right choice. The line between black and white had blurred.
1. The Plan

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter One - The Plan

The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon as two young men set out from a small inn, eager to begin their journey anew. The older of the two had short brown hair, with one unruly lock that insisted upon hanging in front of his face. The two young men, brothers, were on the run and thus needed to get moving before someone undesirable found them.

Again.

They had barely managed to escape the last time that someone learned of their location and this wasn't a scene that either of them wished to repeat. At least not until they came up with a suitable plan to deal with the situation. The younger of the two had a possible plan, which they discussed as they made their way down the lonely dirt road toward an unknown destination.

"I'm not sure that I approve of this plan Nicholas," Mana Walker said to the young man who was walking along beside him. Although he was noticeably younger than he himself, the boy was a couple of inches taller than Mana and had medium length, mahogany colored hair that curled slightly at the ends. This gave him a charmingly disheveled look that the young man took full advantage of.

He had always been popular with the ladies.

"I'm sorry Mana," Nicholas Walker said, removing the top hat that he wore so that he could run a hand through his already unruly hair. Truth be told this wasn't his idea of the perfect plan either but something had to be done. The Millennium Earl had pursued them relentlessly ever since his failed attempt on the man's life and Nicholas didn't know how much longer they could continue to evade the determined Creator. "It's not what I wanted either but there really isn't much choice at this point. I'm going to die."

Mana winced at the boy's words, still unwilling to believe that this was the only outcome that was possible. Nicholas seemed resigned to his fate for the most part but Mana was still determined that together the two of them could beat the Earl. He may not possess the powers of a Noah but he was fairly proficient in the magical arts. "I really wish that you would stop saying that."

"It's an inevitability," Nicholas said in a calm voice. It was almost as though they were discussing the weather and not the impending death of the younger of the two brothers. He had fought against the Millennium Earl and the fight hadn't gone so well for him. Although the Noah had fallen easily enough at his hands the Creator had been a different story entirely. And now he was being relentlessly pursued by the Earl so there really wasn't much chance that he would escape. After all it wasn't as though he could hide.

"I still think that we could find some kind of spell that we could use..."

Nicholas held up his hand, halting Mana in mid sentence. He appreciated his brother's determination to find a way to save him, he really did, but the man had to face reality. And the reality was that he would not survive another encounter with the Millennium Earl. "The Earl is a sorcerer as well Mana. I really don't think that we can find a spell powerful enough to take him out. And even if we could I somehow doubt that you and I would be able to pull it off."

"We could get Cross to help," Mana suggested.

A picture of the red haired Exorcist General appeared unbidden in Nicholas' mind and he shook his head to rid himself of the sight. He didn't particularly care for Cross although he dealt with the man when it was absolutely necessary. Like a couple of days ago when he had informed Cross of his plans and told the man to keep an eye on Mana after his death.

Cross had seemed intrigued by his promise to return and kill the Earl with his own hands and had grudgingly agreed to keep an eye on Mana.

"I don't even know where Cross is," Nicholas lied, hoping that his brother didn't pick up on it. Mana had always been able to read him far better than anyone else which made it incredibly hard to lie to the man. That was inconvenient right now and Nicholas hated it.

The look in Mana's eyes showed that he didn't believe the words that his brother spoke but he decided not to pursue the matter further. For awhile the two young men continued their journey down the street in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Both were tortured and both were searching for a way to combat the approaching horror that was their life.

"Alright then," Mana said after awhile, breaking into the thoughts of his younger brother. He had made a decision. It was difficult for him to come to his conclusion but his brother was the most important person in his world and he would do anything to help him. "Do you have any idea when we need to perform this spell? Is there a time constraint?"

Even take the life of another if it proved to be necessary.

"We?" Nicholas asked, one eyebrow arched as he gazed at his older brother in shock. To be completely honest he had expected for his brother to attempt to talk him out of his plan and he was utterly shocked to hear him practically offer to help.

Mana nodded, a determined look in his brown eyes. "We're in this together kiddo."

Beginning to regain his composure Nicholas cleared his throat. "The only time constraint is the time that I have left on this earth. I have to be alive in order to cast the spell and it has to be done by me."

"So who exactly are you going to use as this host?" Mana wanted to know.

Nicholas debated this question that had been posed to him by his brother, a thoughtful expression in his smoky gray eyes. He hadn't really given much thought to the who, having been much more concerned with the how. It was a complicated spell that he had to memorize perfectly which had taken a large amount of time and effort on his part. This hadn't left much time for the young man to think about who exactly was going to be the victim. "I really don't know."

"Well don't you think that you should make a decision?"

Nicholas nodded. "I should but this isn't really the kind of decision that you can make on the spur of the moment. I need more power than I have currently to defeat the Earl so if I choose the wrong host then it's all going to be for nothing."

"This is a problem," Mana said in a quiet voice.

Nicholas could tell, by the tone of his older brother's voice, that Mana was still uneasy with the path that he had chosen. He knew that Mana would go along with it because he had already promised to do anything in order to help his brother but the weight of it was weighing on his soul.

And for this Nicholas felt guilty.

"For what it's worth I am sorry," the young man said in a quiet voice, gazing over at the brother who was walking beside him.

"Don't apologize," Mana said, reaching out and placing his hand on his brother's shoulder. The two of them had always been close, having relied on one another to make it through their rather rough childhood, and would do anything for one another. Even if that something went against everything that they believed in. "I promised that I would help you and I have no regrets about making that promise."

Nicholas gazed at his brother, searching his brown eyes for the truth. There was a question that had to be asked and although Nicholas didn't really want to put it to words he had to know the answer. It was important. "Would you do it again? Even knowing where the path leads?"

Without so much as a second of hesitation Mana nodded.

There was no trace of a lie in the older man's eyes and Nicholas couldn't help the sad smile that appeared on his face. "Thank you Mana," the young man said, silently adding, "I just hope that you can live with the guilt of what we're going to have to do."

Mana had always been the kinder out of the two siblings and Nicholas worried about how he would feel once they had actually performed the spell that would steal the life of another person so that he could have a second chance at killing the Earl. He was fairly certain that it would be tough on his brother at first but Mana was tough and should be able to get over it quickly.

"Just keep walking forward Mana," the young man said, the same sad smile on his face. "No matter what happens, never stop. Keep moving."

In the years after that fateful conversation Mana would use this piece of advice from his brother as the mantra that kept him going through all of the bad times. Whenever he felt like giving up he would repeat those words to himself and it would give him the necessary resolve to see life through to another day.

A/N - and there's chapter one of Mana's story as told by the Musician. This one's different in that I portray the series of events as though Mana was fully aware of what his brother was going to do. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

The Musician: We're back!  
Mana: I don't think you'll be here all that long this time.  
The Musician: We'll doesn't that just suck?  
Allen: No, not really.  
The Musician: HEY! Who asked you?


	2. Desperation

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man nor any of it's wonderful characters

Chapter Two - Desperation

It was only supposed to be a short trip to the local store to pick up some supplies that they were sorely in need of and as he ran down the street Nicholas found himself wondering when things had turned so desperately wrong. The Millennium Earl had tracked him to this town, how he still wasn't entirely sure, and he had barely escaped the fight. Now, seriously injured and on the run from the Earl, Nicholas knew that he didn't have very much time left to him.

He had to find a host for his memories and fast. If he failed to do so then it would be the end of all of the plans that he and Mana had made. Above all else it would mean that the Millennium Earl had won. And this outcome simply wasn't acceptable.

As he ran the traitor Noah scanned the streets for someone in whom he could implant his memories. Unfortunately the streets were fairly deserted at this early hour so there weren't a whole lot of options. His time was woefully short and when the Musician spied a young boy peering warily from an alley way he made a split second decision. Since this child was so young his consciousness would be easier to over ride with the spell, which would shorten the time span that he needed to complete the complex bit of magic.

Given his current situation that would definitely be a plus.

It was regrettable that he had to do this to such a young boy but Nicholas was out of options. His time was rapidly running out and he had to perform the spell now or forever lose the opportunity to return to seek his revenge against the Millennium Earl.

And that was simply not an option.

_"I'm sorry kid," _the young man thought to himself as he ducked into the alley, pulling the startled child along with him.

Once the two of them were safely enveloped by the darkness in the back of the alley Nicholas sat down on the ground, pulling the terrified little boy down with him. Ignoring the fact that he was sitting on the ground in a filthy alleyway, Nicholas forced the little boy to sit opposite him and immediately made eye contact. The boy's eyes were almost hidden by his mop of unruly brown hair and Nicholas found, to his complete surprise, that the child's eyes were almost identical to his own. This was somewhat unnerving but the Musician forced himself to continue with the spell.

The clock was ticking, counting down to the time of his death.

Gazing into the pair of eyes that were so like his own Nicholas whispered the magic words that would forever bind the two of them together; words that would seal the fate of the child and ensure that he would be able to return to seek his vengeance against the Millennium Earl.

The little brown haired boy was shaking uncontrollably at this point but remained none the less silent. It was as though he were afraid to cry out, afraid to make even the slightest noise. Nicholas vaguely wondered if the child possessed the ability to speak but he didn't really have the time to dwell on the subject. He could sense that the Earl was drawing ever closer to the location where he was hiding and he knew that he had to complete the spell and get away from here.

Should the Earl discover the child then his plan would be ruined.

Once the spell had been cast Nicholas cast one last gaze over the child, taking in his rather haggard appearance. This child looked as though he lived on the streets and Nicholas felt a momentary stab of guilt for making his life even worse than it already was.

Regrettable but at the same time completely necessary.

"I'm sorry kid," he said once again as he placed one gloved hand over the little boy's eyes. The only thing left for him to do was to perform a spell to make the child forget that he had been in contact with the Musician. He didn't need this knowledge and the young Noah was going to erase it from his mind. "But for what it's worth I hope that you find a measure of happiness in the time that you have left."

Then, with a few well chosen words of magic, Nicholas erased the boy's memory. Immediately losing consciousness the child fell forward and would have hit the ground hard had the traitor Noah not reached out and caught his limp little form. Lowering him gently to the ground Nicholas removed his top coat and used it to cover the child's small body. "You won't remember any of this when you wake however you and I will meet again little one. Until then, farewell."

Leaving the child with these parting words Nicholas got to his feet and quickly left the alley, glancing around as he did so to make sure that no one saw him. He knew that he had to get as far away from the child with whom he had left the License of the Player as he possibly could before the Millennium Earl caught up with him. No one could know about this child or else his plans would be ruined.

Nicholas briefly thought about his older brother as he fled the scene.

Mana was the only one who was supposed to know, since the two of them had originally planned to perform the spell together, but unfortunately it was now impossible for Nicholas to share the information with his brother. If he were to return to the inn where he had left Mana then he would just be leading the Earl to his brother and that was not a risk that the Musician was willing to take. He would simply have to hope that nothing happened to the child before his memories had a chance to firmly implant themselves in the child's mind.

The Exorcist General was supposed to keep an eye on Mana and since the man was curious as to how the Musician intended to return from the grave Nicholas was fairly certain that he would keep his word. Intellectual curiosity would keep him tied to Mana if nothing else. And when his memories awakened in the child he would seek out his brother and they would be reunited once more. And then the Earl would pay for everything that he had done.

Unfortunately Nicholas was well aware that he was about to suffer a fate that most couldn't even begin to imagine. He had angered the Earl enough to almost guarantee that his death would be slow and painful. It didn't matter as long as he could lead the man away from his brother and the child that now held his memories. Nothing mattered so long as the two of them remained safe and out of harm's way.

"Everything depends on the two of them now," Nicholas muttered as he ran away from the alley in which he had left the child sleeping.

* * *

Running as fast as he could Nicholas managed to make it to the next town over before the Millennium Earl finally caught up with him. The two of them squared off in a meadow and the Musician calmly gazed over at the man who wanted him dead. It was rare for the Millennium Earl to take matters into his own hands and you knew that you were special when he chose to kill you personally.

"So I've finally found you dear boy," the Earl said as he stood facing the traitor Noah. He had favored this child, one of the few who had the power to control Noah's Ark, which made the boy's betrayal all the more unforgivable.

And then there was the small fact that he had murdered most of his family.

"Good evening Lord Millennium," Nicholas said, removing his top hat and tossing it aside.

"So tell me," the Earl said in a completely calm voice as he and the boy stood facing one another. "What have you done with Noah's Ark?"

"Oh I merely moved it to Edo," the Musician said, a smirk spreading across his face as his thoughts returned to the Ark. He had placed a curse upon it when he had fled after killing most of his family and it was now forever tied to Edo. Only his Song had the power to move it now so it would be completely useless to the Earl. "And made certain that it would remain there forever."

"Remove the curse," the Earl ordered. "And I will make sure that your death is quick and as painless as possible."

"I'm sorry," Nicholas apologized, his voice devoid of even a hint of remorse. "But I'm afraid that I simply cannot do that."

"Then your death shall be slow and painful," the Earl promised.

Nicholas had known this all along and he was resigned to his fate. He only hoped that, once he was dead, the Earl would forget about him and that Mana and the child would be able to escape this place without detection. After all they really were of no consequence to the Earl.

At least not yet.

"Know this," the Musician said, locking gazes with the Millennium Earl. Determination shone bright in his stormy gray eyes as he stared at the man who was about to end his life. "I will return one day and you will die by my hand."

The Earl merely laughed as he pulled out a huge sword. Nicholas prepared for battle as well since he was determined not to just lay down and die at the Earl's hands. He was resigned to death, knowing that it was inevitable at this point, but that didn't mean that he was going to make it easy. Besides, the longer he fought the more time he bought for Mana and the boy in whom now resided his memories and the License of the Player.

The Musician: Well damn it. Mana was right, I really wasn't around all that long.  
Allen: Serves you right.  
The Musician: You, go somewhere until you're needed.  
Allen: Shut the hell up.  
Mana: Now you two boys behave yourselves


	3. The Pain of Loss

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Three - The Pain of Loss

Mana had remained at the inn for several hours, awaiting the return of his brother, but as darkness fell he began to grow concerned. Nicholas had promised that he would return before night fall and as the shadows began to grow longer the older of the two siblings made the decision to set out in search of his brother. After all it wasn't like Nicholas to break his word, especially not in these difficult times.

Mana spent several hours searching the town in which he and his brother were staying and yet he found no signs of Nicholas. His heart began to race as his thoughts flashed to the man who was pursuing him and his brother and he couldn't keep himself from thinking the worst. Had the Millennium Earl finally caught up with his brother?

"Please no," Mana whispered.

After thoroughly searching the town where he and Nicholas had been staying he decided to move on to the next town and continue his search. His reasoning being that if Nicholas was somewhere around he would be able to find his brother later. The trip to the next town took a couple of hours and when he arrived Mana began to search for any signs that his brother had been there.

He didn't have much luck searching the actual town so he decided to broaden his the radius of his search. Now almost frantic with worry the young man searched the meadows surrounding the town. Climbing a hill he caught sight of something dark lying in an open field, illuminated by the moonlight.

"No," Mana said, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was too dark for him to be able to discern what the object was but it was obvious that it didn't belong out in the field. Clenching his hands into fists Mana dashed down the hill and toward the object.

It was Nicholas.

A piercing scream left his lips as he fell to his knees at his brother's side. The young man was lying in a large pool of blood and there was absolutely no movement from the young man. Reaching out with a shaking hand Mana gently touched his brother's face, wiping a strand of mahogany hair from his face.

The boy's skin was icy cold to the touch.

"NICHOLAS!"

Feeling as though his world had ended Mana gently pulled Nicholas' limp body into his arms and held the boy, rocking back and forth gently. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had always known that this was going to happen but none the less he wasn't prepared for the sight of his brother's lifeless body. Tears formed in his brown eyes as he clutched his brother's cold body to his chest and Mana made absolutely no attempt to keep them at bay.

"I'm so sorry Nicholas. I should have been there with you. No one deserves to die like this, alone and in pain."

The tears fell upon Nicholas' face as Mana wept for the brother that he had lost. Nicholas had been all that remained of his family and now he was completely alone in the world. There was no one left who would care if he was gone.

This thought made Mana briefly debate taking his own life and going to join his brother. Still holding his brother's upper body in his lap Mana reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pocket knife. Flipping it open he gazed at the blade, which glinted in the moonlight. It would be so easy, one slice was all that it would take and he would be together with his brother once more.

**_"Keep walking, never stop. Keep moving forward until the day you die."_**

Mana's eyes widened as the words of his brother came unbidden into his mind. It was almost as though his brother's spirit was seeking to communicate with him, to keep him from taking his own life. Disgusted by this display of weakness Mana closed the knife and placed it back in his pocket.

"I'll keep moving forward Nicholas. I promise."

* * *

The next day, after burying his brother in a grave marked only by a small cross with music notes carved on the front, Mana returned to the town where he and Nicholas had been staying the day before. He was there only long enough to gather up the things that he had left behind in his haste to find his brother and then he left once again. He was devastated by the loss of the brother that he had cared for above all others and all he wanted to do was escape his grief. Mana needed something to occupy his mind and keep it away from the sorrow and guilt that was eating away at his soul.

As Mana walked away from the small town he thought that he caught a pair of familiar gray eyes peering out at him from an alleyway but quickly dismissed the idea. It must have been his grief stricken mind playing a cruel joke on him. Nicholas was gone.

Gone.

Vaguely Mana found himself wondering if Nicholas had found someone in whom to implant his memories before the Millennium Earl had caught up with him. Not that it mattered much at this point since Mana hadn't been there with him and therefore had no way of knowing who had the License of the Player. Or even if it had been passed on to anyone.

_"I guess I'll never know," _he thought to himself.

Tears appeared once more in Mana's eyes and, although he tried to hold them at bay, he was unable to do so. His body shook with suppressed sobs as the tears fell down his face. Walking down a lonely stretch of dirt road Mana was glad that he was alone, that no one could see what a mess he was.

He would continue to walk forward, because he knew it was what his brother would want him to do, but he wasn't certain how he could get past this. He had lost the one person on the planet whom he had actually been able to talk to, the one person who had understood. He had never really been an outgoing person, having always found it difficult to talk with people that he didn't know, and Mana resigned himself to live the rest of his life on his own.

He couldn't risk getting close to anyone else for fear of losing them as well.

Lost in thought Mana was soon brought back to reality by the sounds of laughter. Wiping the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his coat Mana searched for the origin of the sound and saw that a traveling circus had set up shop in a large field. Curious Mana made his way toward the place where large tents had been set up and he soon found himself wandering around the circus grounds.

It seemed somewhat weird to him but Mana had never actually been to a circus. Not sure what made him decide on this course of action Mana actually bought a ticket to the show. Maybe he just needed something to take his mind off of the grief that was threatening to overwhelm him or perhaps he was just curious.

Mana made his way inside the largest of all of the tents, where the main show was held, and found a seat near the front. He was one of the first to arrive but this didn't bother him. Removing a deck of cards from the pocket of his top coat Mana began to shuffle them, using it as a distraction for his grief weary mind. Before long he found himself doing a few simple card tricks that Nicholas had taught him.

His brother had also taught him how to cheat at poker but he didn't think that was really a worthwhile past time.

"Hey you're pretty good," a voice said, startling Mana and causing him to drop the cards that he had been playing with. The young man glanced up to see a man wearing clown makeup walking toward him. "Thanks," he said in a quiet voice, rubbing the back of his head.

"Have you ever thought about going into the entertaining business?" the clown asked as he came to stand in the ring just in front of the spot where Mana was thinking.

"Not really," Mana replied truthfully.

"You should," the clown said. "You have a natural talent for it. Believe me, I can tell these kinds of things."

Mana stared at the man in confusion as the clown turned and made his way across the ring. He wasn't what anyone had ever called talented so why exactly had this man singled him out? Nicholas had been the talented one, not him.

These thoughts were forced aside as the band struck up a lively march, signaling the beginning of the show. Mana focused his attention on the performers and watched as they all went about their various acts. Then, when the clowns took the stage, the one that had spoken to him earlier caught his eye and winked. The group of clowns went about their act and then, towards the end, the one who had spoken to Mana walked toward the crowd, juggling a bunch of little balls.

He came to stand in the spot that he had occupied earlier and, before Mana realized what was going on, the clown began tossing the little balls toward him. Mana caught each of them in turn and changed their direction back to the clown. He smiled a little bit as he saw the shocked expression on the clown's face as the two of them juggled back and forth.

The crowd went wild.

"You have GOT to join our troupe," the clown said to Mana once the show had come to an end.

Mana briefly thought about the man's words and then, much to his surprise, he nodded. "Alright. It's not as though I have anywhere else to go."

A/N - thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. You guys are awesome.

Allen: So that's how you became a clown.  
Mana: Spur of the moment thing. I blame my brother.  
The Musician: Of course. Everything's MY fault.  
Allen: Yes it is.


	4. Coming to Terms

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Four - Coming to Terms

As the months passed Mana traveled to one circus after another, intent upon keeping himself moving forward. His only companion was an old stray dog that he had taken in after joining the first circus that he had traveled with. The little terrier mix was old, judging by the gray hair that covered his muzzle, but he was intelligent and Mana trained him to be his assistant.

The dog quickly discredited the old saying that you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks.

This particular old dog seemed eager to learn and quickly picked up the tricks that Mana taught to him. In no time at all the two of them could juggle back and forth, dance together, and even perform some simple acrobatic moves. The dog really was a great find and did wonders for making his act more popular.

It was great.

The passage of time had served to dull the pain in Mana's heart, changing it from a fierce stabbing pain down to a dull ache. Unfortunately this was only accomplished due to his mind's determination to forget about the past that caused the man so much pain. Over time he was beginning to forget about the brother that he had lost. At first it was only small details but then, as time went on, it began to get worse.

It was almost as though his tortured mind was attempting to forget the fact that he had ever had a brother.

Mana had mixed feelings about this fact. On the one hand he didn't want to forget the brother that he had loved but on the other hand the memories of that brother were painful. He wasn't sure about how he felt about forgetting Nicholas but he had made a promise to keep moving forward and he would keep that promise.

He would continue to take one day at a time and whatever happened would happen.

* * *

Over time, although he maintained his determination to keep moving forward, Mana forgot who it was that he was moving forward for. He knew that he had made a promise to keep moving forward always but he couldn't remember who it was that he had made this promise to. His subconscious had blocked access to all memories of the brother that he had lost, making it impossible for Mana to bring forth those images.

And this made it possible for the tortured man to smile once more.

"I wonder what possessed me to pick this lifestyle," Mana thought to himself as he absently played with a couple of bright colored juggling balls. He couldn't recall the discovery that had led him to become a wanderer nor the clown who had talked him into becoming a performer.

Everything was a blank.

"Doesn't matter," Mana finally decided, a determined expression appearing in his brown eyes. "Keep moving forward... Never stop... Until the day you die."

This had became like a mantra that the man repeated to himself whenever times became rough or things became too much for him to deal with. That one little phrase gave him the strength that he needed to keep himself always moving forward.

He didn't really understand why it worked but the why wasn't really important in the grand scheme of things. All that mattered was that it did work. Mana had the vague impression that someone important had told those words to him but every time that he tried to call up that memory his mind drew a blank.

Nothing.

A high pitched yipping noise served to bring Mana out of his thoughts and the man instinctively gazed down. The little terrier was standing in front of him, his head tilted slightly to the side as though there was something about Mana that he simply didn't understand. The dog's look was somewhat comical and had his mind been less burdened Mana would probably have laughed at him.

But the laughter wouldn't come right now.

"What is it?" Mana asked as he knelt down in front of the little dog and straightened the collar that he was wearing. The ruffled collar, along with the little hat, was the costume that he had made for the dog to wear during their act.

The dog whined and pawed at Mana's knee.

"I have no idea what it is that you want," Mana said as he got to his feet and dusted off his pants leg, where the dog had left a little dusty footprint. "But I think that it's time for us to move on to the next show. Or perhaps to perform on our own for a little while. What do you think?"

The dog yipped once again, wagging it's little stump of a tail.

"Glad that you approve of the plan," Mana said, chuckling softly as he made his way to the caravan that he had been calling home for a couple of weeks. He had been making it a point to move from show to show ever since he had decided to embrace the life of a traveling performer. He was wary of people, didn't really trust anyone, although he wasn't exactly certain why this was the case. As far as he could recall no one had ever done anything to him to make him so distrustful but Mana merely accepted this as the way things were.

After all he was a very strange individual.

Once Mana had gathered up the few meager belongings that he chose to carry with him from place to place Mana and his little dog left the circus grounds without a word to anyone. This was the way that he always operated, not being one for long goodbyes or even short ones for that matter. It was just better to leave without a word.

It was less painful.

"Let's go Buddy," he said as he whistled for the little dog.

The little dog fell into step behind his master and together the two travelers made their way down the dusty road that lead away from the location where the circus had set up. Mana didn't really have a set destination in mind, almost never did in fact, so when he reached a cross roads he simply picked one of the roads at random and began walking. Just keep walking forward. After all one location was just as good as another. He had been working on his skills as a performer and he could make money on his own if he couldn't find another circus to join up with.

"This seems like something that I've done before," Mana muttered to himself as he walked down his chosen path.

Shaking his head Mana attempted to rid himself of these troubling thoughts. Somehow his subconscious knew that these memories that he was searching for were painful and refused to relinquish them. Mana saw a shadowy figure in his mind's eye but no details of the person were available. It was almost as though his mind was protecting him from some knowledge that he knew and yet at the same time didn't want to know.

"I give up," Mana said, ceasing his attempts to call up the memories. The ache in his chest had began to grow stronger and he didn't want to feel any more pain. Although he couldn't remember exactly why, he somehow knew that he had suffered enough in one lifetime.

"Hey Buddy," Mana called out, gazing back at the little dog who was following along at his heels. "What do you say we stop in the next town and get something to eat? I don't know about you but I'm absolutely starving."

A little growl told him as plain as words would have that the feeling was mutual as far as the dog was concerned. Mana couldn't help but laugh at his little companion and he threw his head back and laughed harder than he had in... well in practically forever. In fact he wasn't certain that he had ever laughed so hard.

A brief flash of a small boy attempting to learn to juggle and dropping three balls onto his head...

"What was that?" Mana wondered, shaking his head to rid himself of the vision. It was like that scene was familiar to him but Mana couldn't place it.

A/N - the end of yet another chapter. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

Lavi: This is kinda depressing.  
The Musician: What are YOU doing here?  
Lavi: It's my job to observe, so I'm observing.  
Mana, Allen and The Musician: Go away.


	5. Tragedy Revisited

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Five - Tragedy Revisited

As Mana and the little terrier made their way toward the town flashes of memory began to awaken in the man's mind. Flashes of a young man and a... Grasping his head with both hands Mana sank to the ground as all of the memories that his mind had repressed came flooding back to him. Something about this town had caused the dam that had been holding back Mana's memories to burst and now everything came back.

Nicholas.

His younger brother.

Feeling as though his head were going to burst Mana slowly got to his feet and made his way further into the town. He felt absolutely horrible and wanted nothing more than to lie down in a dark room until he either recovered or died.

And at this point he didn't really care which.

There was a small inn located at the edge of town and Mana quickly entered and payed for a room, grateful that the man who owned the building agreed to allow his dog to stay as well. Thanking the man Mana picked up the small terrier and quickly made his way up to his room, which was located on the second floor. His hands trembled as he struggled to put the key in the lock but he finally managed to gain access to his room.

Swinging the door open Mana placed the dog on the floor and then closed the door behind them. Mana walked across the room and closed the curtains that hung over the room's single window, bathing the room in darkness. That made the pounding headache that he was suffering with diminish somewhat and, with a little sigh, the man lay down across the bed.

All he wanted to do was sleep.

With a little yip Buddy leapt onto the bed and curled up beside his master, placing his nose against the skin of Mana's arm. Mana absently wrapped his arm around the dog but his thoughts were focused else where. All of the memories that his mind had repressed had resurfaced and now he was struggling once again to deal with what had happened to his little brother.

Nichlas had been different, born with special powers and as a member of the Clan of Noah. The boy was the Noah of Praise, the fourteenth member born to a family that should by rights have only had thirteen. The Noah who should never have been born.

Known as the Musician to his surrogate family Nicholas had been able to use music in ways that were truly exceptional. His Song, played on the piano, actually had the power to bend space and time its self. This had been a valuable power and the Millennium Earl had fought to control the young man. For awhile it had seemed as though Mana had lost his little brother but then something happened that made Nicholas return to him.

Nicholas had fought against the Noah and had betrayed the Millennium Earl and his surrogate family and had actually made an attempt on the life of the Earl. And that had been the beginning of the end for the brother that he had loved more than anyone else. The two of them had made a run for it, pursued relentlessly by the Millennium Earl and the Clan of Noah. Nicholas had fought bravely, making every attempt to protect his brother. And the boy had actually managed to kill all except one of the Clan of Noah.

Of course this had only increased the Millennium Earl's anger and, not long after the last Noah fell, the Earl caught up with his brother. Mana's mind called up an image of the mangled corpse of his brother, lying abandoned in a field as though the boy were garbage. Tears appeared in his brown eyes as he remembered finding Nicholas' lifeless body and the feelings of grief once again welled up inside of him.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you Nicholas," Mana whispered as he buried his face in the pillow and wept. "And I'm sorry that I forgot."

Mana realized that this had been weakness on his part, realized that he had forgotten his brother so that he would no longer be burdened by the pain of his loss. He was ashamed of this action but he couldn't take it back. As he wept into the pillow Mana found himself drifting off into a fitful sleep.

_**"I'm not sure that I approve of this plan Nicholas," Mana Walker said to the young man who was walking along beside him. Although he was noticeably younger than he himself, the boy was a couple of inches taller than Mana and had medium length, mahogany colored hair that curled slightly at the ends. This gave him a charmingly disheveled look that the young man took full advantage of.**_

_**He had always been popular with the ladies.**_

_**"I'm sorry Mana," Nicholas Walker said, removing the top hat that he wore so that he could run a hand through his already unruly hair. Truth be told this wasn't his idea of the perfect plan either but something had to be done. The Millennium Earl had pursued them relentlessly ever since his failed attempt on the man's life and Nicholas didn't know how much longer they could continue to evade the determined Creator. "It's not what I wanted either but there really isn't much choice at this point. I'm going to die."**_

_**Mana winced at the boy's words, still unwilling to believe that this was the only outcome that was possible. Nicholas seemed resigned to his fate for the most part but Mana was still determined that together the two of them could beat the Earl. He may not possess the powers of a Noah but he was fairly proficient in the magical arts. "I really wish that you would stop saying that."**_

_**"It's an inevitability," Nicholas said in a calm voice. It was almost as though they were discussing the weather and not the impending death of the younger of the two brothers. He had fought against the Millennium Earl and the fight hadn't gone so well for him. Although the Noah had fallen easily enough at his hands the Creator had been a different story entirely. And now he was being relentlessly pursued by the Earl so there really wasn't much chance that he would escape. After all it wasn't as though he could hide.**_

_**"I still think that we could find some kind of spell that we could use..."**_

_**Nicholas held up his hand, halting Mana in mid sentence. He appreciated his brother's determination to find a way to save him, he really did, but the man had to face reality. And the reality was that he would not survive another encounter with the Millennium Earl. "The Earl is a sorcerer as well Mana. I really don't think that we can find a spell powerful enough to take him out. And even if we could I somehow doubt that you and I would be able to pull it off."**_

_**"We could get Cross to help," Mana suggested.**_

_**"I don't even know where Cross is," Nicholas lied, hoping that his brother didn't pick up on it. Mana had always been able to read him far better than anyone else which made it incredibly hard to lie to the man. That was inconvenient right now and Nicholas hated it.**_

_**The look in Mana's eyes showed that he didn't believe the words that his brother spoke but he decided not to pursue the matter further. For awhile the two young men continued their journey down the street in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Both were tortured and both were searching for a way to combat the approaching horror that was their life.**_

_**"Alright then," Mana said after awhile, breaking into the thoughts of his younger brother. He had made a decision. It was difficult for him to come to his conclusion but his brother was the most important person in his world and he would do anything to help him. "Do you have any idea when we need to perform this spell? Is there a time constraint?"**_

Mana gasped as he came awake with a start. He had forgotten about the spell that he and Nicholas had intended to perform in order to seal the young man's memories inside the body of a host. Wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead Mana realized that he still didn't know if his brother had succeeded with that plan.

Had he managed to pass on his memories and the License of the Player?

A/N - and there's chapter five and yes, the dream is from the first chapter. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

The Musician: Poor Mana.  
Allen: It's your fault you know.  
The Musician: Oh yea, cause I asked Lord Millennium to kill me.  
Allen: May as well have. And could you go be dead somewhere else please?


	6. Lost and Found

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Six - Lost and Found

After his memories of his lost brother returned to him in full force Mana left the town where Nicholas had been killed as fast as he could. He and the little terrier made their way across the countryside and soon located a small traveling circus. Making a decision Mana made his way toward the show and, after speaking to the man in charge, found himself once again employed as a clown.

"I'll show you to your trailer," the man named Travis Jones said, making a motion with his hand that meant that Mana was supposed to follow him. "And then once you're settled you can join the others in practise."

"I understand," Mana said, whistling for the little dog.

The trailer that the man showed to him was far from fancy however it was neat and clean and would be much warmer than sleeping outside. Which was welcome since winter was upon them and the December nights were cold and unforgiving.

"Thank you very much," Mana said in a quiet voice as he and the dog stepped inside the trailer.

"Don't mention it," Mr. Jones said, offering Mana a smile. "Between your talents and that little dog of yours, you're going to more than pay me back for hiring you."

Mana watched as the man walked away and then he closed the door of the trailer. Placing his single suitcase on the small cot that was positioned along one wall Mana opened it and pulled out his clown costume. He quickly changed from his traveling suit into the clown outfit and then applied the white makeup that he hated. It irritated his skin but it was a necessity of his trade so Mana forced himself to deal with it.

Once his transformation was complete Mana emerged from his trailer and went to join the other performers. As he walked across the circus grounds he caught sight of a mop of unruly brown hair and a pair of eyes peering at him from around a corner but shrugged it off.

After all he was used to being stared at.

* * *

Mana settled in to the new circus as best he could however he began to suspect that his time with them would be brief. Most of the performers were nice enough but there was one exception who was making it a point to make Mana's life difficult.

The man's name was Cosimo and he was a complete and utter ass.

Mana noticed that the man didn't seem to get along with any of the other performers so he didn't feel particularly offended by the man's attitude. After all it wasn't as though it really mattered in the grand scheme of things. Soon Mana would pack up and be off to the next job and that would be the end of the issue.

* * *

Their performance was over for the night and Mana was searching for the little terrier so that he could give him a reward for a job well done. The crowd had absolutely loved their act and Mana knew that it was mostly because of the dog. Buddy could bring a smile to anyone's face.

However as Mana continued to search for the dog the smile on his face fell, to be replaced by a frown. This wasn't at all like the little dog, who normally came the minute he was called. Mana got the feeling that something was wrong and his fears were confirmed when he found the bruised and battered body of the little dog, still wearing the ruffled collar and hat from their performance.

Mana sighed as he knelt to the ground and pulled the little body into his arms. It was true that the two of them hadn't been together very long but he'd grown fond of his little partner and was sad that his life had ended so violently.

Walking slowly back to the trailer that had been his since his arrival at this particular circus Mana dug a small hole behind the trailer so that he could give Buddy a proper burial. Kneeling down he dug at the earth and then placed the little dog's body in the shallow grave. He made a move to cover the dog with dirt but paused as he felt someone standing nearby.

Glancing out of the corner of his eye he saw that his visitor was a child. A little boy with unruly brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, ragged clothes that were too big for him, and eyes that plainly showed his distrust of the world.

"Is it dead?" the boy asked casually.

"He's dead," Mana said with a sigh, his gaze once again going to the poor little dog.

"He's all covered in bruises," the little boy said, kneeling down and gazing at the dog. The child kept his distance from Mana, as though afraid that the man would try to hurt him. "I bet it was that jerk Cosimo who did it. He hates anyone who's better than him. He's got no talent except when it comes to things like this."

Mana had already suspected the foul tempered clown but it didn't really matter who was responsible. Nothing was going to bring the little dog back to life. "He was an old dog. Probably wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway."

The little boy seemed shocked by Mana's words but quickly forced a scowl back onto his face. It was as though he were trying so hard not to care. Mana sensed something strange about this child but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. This boy was different, of that he was sure.

"Aren't you even gonna get revenge for him?"

Mana shook his head. "No. Then I'd be thrown out without getting paid. I'm a newcomer here after all. And after Christmas tomorrow I'm going to move on to somewhere different so there's no point in starting a fight."

"Hmph."

Lifting his gaze from the little grave Mana gazed at the child and saw that he was also covered in scrapes and bruises. "You're all beat up too. Did Cosimo do this to you?"

"Shut up!"

"Don't you have any friends?" Mana pressed, not sure why he was so curious about this child. He usually made it a point to avoid contact with people and yet he couldn't deny the fact that he was interested in this strange little boy. He had no idea why the child held his interests so but for some reason he wanted the kid to like him.

"I said shut up!" the child snapped, glaring straight forward and resolutely refusing to look at Mana. "I don't need any friends. As soon as I'm big enough I'm getting the hell out of here."

"I see," Mana said, an understanding tone in his voice.

"What was his name?" the child asked after awhile, gesturing toward the little dog. "He licked my hand yesterday. He's tongue was all warm and..." Tears suddenly began to fall from the little boy's eyes and his little shoulders began to shake, as though he were suppressing sobs. "That was all it was so why... why am I crying over him?"

Mana gazed at the hands that the little boy was holding clenched in his lap and he noticed that the child's left hand was deformed. It was a strange red colored and appeared to be rather rough in texture. So that was it. The dog hadn't judged him, hadn't shied away from that strange arm.

"So you were his friend too?" he thought to himself as he covered the broken little body with dirt.

"Who are you anyway kid?" Mana asked the little boy after he had placed one of his juggling balls on top of the little grave, to serve as a makeshift marker for his little friend. He had always been lousy with remembering people and had long ago stopped being apologetic about this fact.

"My name's Allen," the boy said, scowling at the man. "I do odd jobs around here. I've brought you food before."

"Oh," Mana said, his gaze focused on the child named Allen. The boy was gazing at him and he gasped as he really saw the child's eyes for the first time. They were an exact match for those of his brother, the gray of the sky just before a thunderstorm. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Why don't you come with me and be my new assistant?"

"You want me to replace your dog?" Allen muttered.

"Sure why not?"

"I'm not gonna replace your dog," Allen snapped, glaring at the man as though he'd like to throw something at him.

"Come on," Mana pressured, determined to convince this strange youth to come with him. There was something decidedly different about Allen and he wanted to figure out exactly what it was. The clown made a face, hoping to release some of the tension that seemed to surround them. "It could be fun."

"Stop that," Allen said. "I've never really cared much for clowns. In fact, I hate 'em."

"Well I hate crowds and children who never laugh," Mana retorted without really thinking about how his words would affect the child.

"Hmm," Allen said, a thoughful expression replacing the scowl that he had been wearing. "So you're really going somewhere else tomorrow?"

Mana nodded.

"And you're really willing to take me with you?" This time the child sounded both hopeful and wary at the same time. Mana could tell that he desperately wanted to be somewhere else but was afraid that Mana was lying to him.

"I would enjoy the company," Mana offered.

"Okay," Allen said after a moment's thought. "Anywhere's gotta be better than here."

Mana nodded and offered the child a smile. He wasn't sure what exactly it was but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had just set something into motion. Something that was bigger than himself, bigger than anything that he had experienced.

Only time would tell.

A/N - hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and tell me what you thought.

Allen: Stupid clown  
Mana: That's not very nice.  
The Musician: Yea, you shouldn't be that way.  
Allen: SHUT UP!


	7. Little Boy Lost

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Seven - Little Boy Lost

Early on the morning of December 26th Mana left the circus where he had been staying for the past couple of weeks. And following along behind him, hardly able to keep his eyes open and yawning widely ever so often, was the little brown haired boy named Allen. He had asked the child to accompany him as he had buried the little dog with whom he had been traveling and, not really having anywhere better to go, the child had agreed.

"Are you holding up alright back there boy?" Mana asked as he and Allen made their way down a lonely road. The sun hadn't even risen yet and Mana could tell that the little boy was already tired and they had a long way to travel.

"I'm fine!" Allen snapped, glaring at the clown and rushing to catch up. He wouldn't tell the man this but he was somewhat afraid that if he should fall behind then the clown would leave him behind and go on without him. After all, if his own parents hadn't wanted him then why should this weird clown care what happened to him.

Allen knew the answer to that; he shouldn't.

"Alright," Mana said in a calm voice. He hadn't meant to upset the boy but he was quickly learning that it didn't really take much to set the little boy's anger off. He seemed to have a huge chip on his shoulder that made him take even the most harmless comments the wrong way. _"I guess it's to be expected... I mean his life can't have been easy... not with that arm."_

He noticed that Allen had the tendency to hide his deformed left hand in the pocket of his trousers and imagined that this was a defense mechanism. The child hid the deformity so that people wouldn't notice and hurt him because of it.

_"People are stupid," _the clown thought to himself. Always so scared of anyone who is different from them. In the eyes of most of humanity if you are different then you must be dangerous and should be dealt with accordingly. Whether or not you had actually done anything.

_"Just one more reason why I prefer to keep to myself," _Mana thought to himself, his thoughts once again going to Nicholas. When his brother's powers as a Noah had first emerged people in the town where they had grown up had begun to treat the boy differently. People who had known them their entire lives and had watched Nicholas grow up had began to fear him and all because of some little cross shaped wounds that had appeared on his forehead.

And now this child was being forced to suffer for something that wasn't his fault. Something that he hadn't asked for and couldn't do anything about.

Mana was jarred from these thoughts by the sound of a soft thud. Pausing, the clown turned to glance at the child and saw that Allen was sitting on the ground in the middle of the dusty road. The little boy was breathing heavily and quite obviously tired. Mana supposed that he should have expected this since he was accustomed to traveling quickly and could take much larger strides than the little boy.

Walking over to the spot where the child was sitting Mana said, "Never stop. Keep walking. Until the day you die."

Allen gazed up at the clown, a strange expression in those eerie gray eyes that so reminded Mana of his brother. Mana wasn't sure if the little boy truly understood the meaning of the words but it didn't matter. Kneeling down Mana offered the child a smile. "Hop onto my back and I'll give you a ride."

"I don't..."

"Come on kid," Mana said, gazing at the boy. "Just take the offer of help."

Allen got to his feet and, grumbling softly to himself, climbed onto Mana's back. The clown couldn't keep the smile from spreading across his face as he got to his feet, picked up his suitcase, and continued down the dusty road. The child that he carried weighed almost nothing and Mana found himself vaguely wondering how long it had been since Allen had eaten a proper meal.

Deciding to get the kid something to eat as soon as they reached the next town Mana picked up the pace. And at the same time he couldn't help but wonder what exactly had possessed him to take in this little orphan. "What is wrong with me?"

* * *

Mana and Allen arrived in the next town by that evening and, as soon as they arrived, the clown quickly located the nearest inn. Pulling some coins from the pocket of his coat he paid for a room for the night and then led Allen upstairs. Unlocking the door Mana gestured with his hand and watched as Allen stepped inside the room, his gray eyes opened wide.

"How long has it been since this kid has slept indoors?" Mana wondered as Allen sat down on the edge of one of the twin beds that occupied the room.

Allen couldn't believe how soft the mattress was and the little boy gave a couple of experimental bounces. His face lit up and the child made a move to climb up onto the bed but he was halted when the clown grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

"Don't jump on the bed Allen," Mana admonished, placing the child down on his own two feet but maintaining his grip on the kid's collar. "Especially not with your shoes on."

"Let go!" Allen snapped, pulling his shirt free of the clown's grip.

Mana couldn't help but chuckle slightly as he gazed at the disgruntled expression on the young boy's face. "I can see that we're going to have to work on your manners a little bit."

Allen simply glared at the man.

"Anyway," Mana said, sensing an argument coming and seeking to avoid it. He was simply too tired to fight with the kid right now. Maybe later but not now. "What do you say the two of us go down to the little cafe and get something to eat?"

The disgruntled look immediately vanished, replaced by a hopeful expression.

The look on the boy's face actually broke Mana's heart. Allen looked as though he desperately wanted to say yes but was afraid that as soon as he did then the offer would be taken back. People had definitely been beyond cruel to this poor child.

"Come on," Mana said, holding out his hand.

Allen gazed up into Mana's face for a few seconds and then fell into step behind the man. Mana led the way downstairs and to a small cafe that he had noticed when he and Allen had arrived in this town. The two of them sat down at a table in the corner, as far away from the other customers as they could get. It was obvious by his actions that Allen was nervous around people and Mana didn't want to cause him any undo stress.

A kind looking older lady approached the duo, holding a small notepad in her hand. "What can I get you gentlemen?" she asked, offering both Mana and Allen a broad smile.

"What do you like Allen?" Mana asked, glancing over at the child.

"Doesn't matter," Allen said with a shrug of his small shoulders. His gray eyed gaze was focused downward and he seemed intent upon staring at the tablecloth and ignoring Mana.

With a sigh Mana ordered a variety of things and then sat back in his chair to await the return of their waitress. And during the wait he focused his gaze on the little boy who was sitting opposite him at the table. Allen was small and slender and Mana found himself wondering exactly how old the child was. He didn't look any older than six or seven but with the past that Mana was certain he had it was hard to judge. His size could be merely a sign of malnutrition.

"You know," Allen said, breaking into Mana's thoughts. "For someone so caught up on manners you should know that it's not nice to stare."

Mana was somewhat taken aback by the child's words and he quickly realized that Allen didn't like to be stared at. Of course he didn't like to be stared at, people must have been looking at him as though he were a freak all of his life. "You're right Allen. I apologize."

Now it was Allen's turn to be taken by surprise. He gazed over at the clown as though unsure of what to make of the man. Mana wasn't like any adult that he had ever encountered and there was a part of the child that was intrigued by him.

This clown didn't judge him.

Soon the waitress returned with their order and, smiling at the expression on Allen's face, Mana gestured toward the plates. "Pick whatever looks good to you."

As it turned out everything looked good to the boy and Mana watched, somewhat shocked, as Allen put away enough food to feed several full grown men. No wonder this child was so thin. Judging by his appetite there was no way that he'd been getting enough to eat.

"Did you even taste any of that?" Mana asked once he'd paid for the meal. He and Allen were heading back to their room and Mana felt safe questioning the child since there wasn't anyone around to overhear the conversation. After all Allen was extremely self conscious.

"Uh huh," Allen replied, concealing a yawn behind his hand.

"Really?" Mana pressed.

"Yes!" Allen snapped, reverting to his earlier annoyance.

"Okay, okay," Mana said, opening the door and allowing the child to enter the room. The clown followed behind him and he watched with an amused smile on his face as the child pulled off his shoes and carefully climbed onto the bed. It looked to him as though Allen were trying his best not to move the mattress and he recalled their earlier conversation about jumping on the bed.

So the child really was trying.

A/N - and there's chapter seven, hope you enjoyed.


	8. Tricks of the Trade

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Eight - Tricks of the Trade

A couple of weeks had passed since Mana and Allen had began traveling together and during that time the clown had began to teach the child some of the tricks of his profession. The first one that he attempted to teach Allen was juggling and that had resulted in a fight.

"Alright Allen," Mana said as he held up a couple of brightly colored balls. "Every good clown knows how to juggle so consider this lesson one." This said Mana began tossing the two little balls back and forth, his gaze focused squarely ahead of him and not at the objects that he was tossing into the air and deftly catching.

"Okay," Allen said.

Catching the two balls Mana held them out to the child and watched as Allen tossed both of them into the air at the same time. The child managed to catch one of them however the first one hit him squarely in the nose and then rolled across the room.

Mana was suddenly glad that he had decided to hold this lesson inside.

"Don't laugh," Allen snapped as he went to retrieve the little ball.

Mana tried his best to hide the smile that had appeared on his face as he watched the little ball bounce off Allen's nose but unfortunately the kid saw. Allen scowled at the clown who had taken him in, the little juggling ball clenched in his hand.

"Just shut up already."

"I didn't say anything," Mana said, removing the hand that he had been using to cover his smile. And this was all it took for the laughter to burst forth. And the laughter only increased when the boy narrowed his stormy gray eyes in irritation. Vaguely Mana wondered how long it had been since he had laughed like this; he couldn't remember the last time.

Growling low in his throat Allen once again made an attempt to juggle the two balls that he was holding clenched in his hands and this time the child managed to find the rhythm. Mana was proud of the kid as he watched Allen tossing the two balls up into the air and, without thinking, he tossed a third one into the mix.

Which caused the boy to lose his concentration and once again send the balls rolling across the floor.

"Damn it!" Allen swore as he got down on his hands and knees to retrieve a ball that had rolled beneath a chair.

"Now," Mana said, one eyebrow raised as he gazed at Allen. "Children shouldn't curse Allen."

"Shut up you stupid clown," Allen snapped, bumping his head on the chair as he attempted to extricate himself from underneath it. The scowl on the child's face deepened as he rubbed the top of his head and Mana couldn't help but laugh at him again.

However he stopped laughing as the little yellow ball went whizzing past his head. His eyes widened as he gazed at Allen, who looked as though he were preparing to toss the red ball that he also held. "Where did the other one go?"

This question served to get Allen's attention away from his intent to harm Mana and the child gazed around the room in search of the third juggling ball. He soon spied it, sitting underneath one of the beds, and with a sigh went to retrieve it.

_"He really is a good kid," _Mana thought to himself as he watched Allen struggling to reach the ball without having to climb underneath the bed. "Look Allen, I'm sorry that I laughed at you."

There was the sound of flesh striking wood as Allen raised his head and turned to gaze at Mana. The child once again grabbed the top of his head with his hand but he made no sound as he gazed at Mana with a strange expression in his eyes. It was as though the child had never in his life heard an apology. For a brief moment he looked like any ordinary child but then the angry facade was back in full force.

"Stupid clown," he muttered as he once again set about to retrieve the ball.

Mana shook his head but he didn't fail to notice the small smile that Allen was now wearing on his face.

When Allen had managed to collect all three of the colorful little balls he tossed one of them back to Mana and then began to juggle the two that he had kept. Then, once he seemed to have the rhythm down again, he looked over at Mana. "Okay, toss the third one."

Mana wasn't so sure that it was a good idea but Allen looked determined so he complied. Holding his breath Mana tossed the little ball in the air and watched as Allen began to juggle it along with the others. _"I can't believe he actually pulled it off. And on the second try no less."_

A smile slowly creapt across Allen's face as he juggled the three brightly colored balls. He couldn't believe that he was actually doing it and he was somewhat proud of this accomplishment, though of course he'd never admit that to the stupid clown.

"Good job Allen."

Surprised by the compliment Allen lost the rhythm and winced as each of the little balls bounced off of his head before rolling across the room in different directions. Dropping to the ground Allen gripped his head with his hands. "Why?"

Chuckling softly to himself Mana took it upon himself to collect the juggling balls lest Allen decide to do something drastic to them. Then, once he had them stowed safely away inside his suitcase, he turned his attention back to the child. "Come Allen. I think it's time that we worked on something else."

"Fine," Allen huffed as he got to his feet.

Allen followed along behind the clown as Mana led the way outside and around to the back of the inn where they were staying. The little boy was somewhat confused, since there didn't really seem to be anything out here, but his unspoken question was soon answered. Once they had arrived at a grassy area Mana turned to face the child, his brown eyes focused on Allen's face.

"Acrobatics is an important part of our profession," Mana said, sounding as though he were a teacher lecturing his class. Allen smirked but after catching a glare from Mana decided not to comment. "Tell me Allen, do you know any acrobatics?"

"Uh no," Allen said, looking at Mana as though he had lost his mind.

"Alright then," Mana said, rolling up the sleeves of his white button up shirt. Walking a few steps away from the spot where the child was standing, Mana suddenly launched himself into a series of cartwheels. He traveled in a circle before coming to stand beside a rather astonished Allen. "Your turn."

Allen looked slightly panicked but he dutifully rolled up his own sleeves and attempted a cartwheel. Which of course ended with him sitting on the ground with a rather sore backside. Trying his best not to laugh at the child's spill Mana walked over and offered Allen his hand.

Narrowing his eyes Allen refused the hand that Mana was offering him and got to his feet. Taking a deep breath the child once again attempted a cartwheel, with similar results. This time Mana didn't offer the child help but merely stood back and waited to see what he would do.

Muttering curse words under his breath Allen once again got to his feet and attempted the cartwheel once again. And this time he managed to pull it off although the move was less than graceful. Landing back on his feet Allen turned his gaze to Mana and offered the clown a small, half smile.

"Way to go Allen," Mana said, admiring the child's determination.

That evening, after Allen had gone to bed for the night, Mana settled down to read a book however he found that his concentration was off. His thoughts kept wandering to the brown haired little boy who was sleeping soundly in the bed across the room. Mana wasn't certain when it had happened but his feeling of curiosity about the child had changed to something else... something that he couldn't explain.

A/N - there's the end of another chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

Allen: That wasn't very much fun.  
Mana: It could have been worse.  
Allen: How?  
Mana: Not sure exactly but I'm sure it could be worse.  
Allen: Stupid clown.


	9. The Lullaby

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Nine - The Lullaby

It was the end of yet another exhausting day of performing and Mana and Allen slowly made their way to the small campsite that they had set up in the edge of a forest the day before. Money was a little tight at the moment and so the two of them had to resort to sleeping out under the stars. But Mana was okay with this, having done it on several occasions already, and Allen didn't seem to mind.

When they arrived at the little campsite Mana deposited his things on the ground and then turned to face Allen, who was leaning up against a nearby tree. "Shall we get cleaned up and changed?"

The child nodded.

There was a stream nearby and the clown and his young charge used it to wash the makeup from their faces before they changed into their normal clothing. After all, the clown costumes that they wore for their performances were far from comfortable, and both he and Allen were always eager to get rid of them after a hard day of performing.

Then, once he and the child had returned from the stream, Mana made a small campfire and used it to cook a small meal for the two of them. It wasn't much since they were short on cash but it would at least make a dent in their hunger and hopefully tide them over until they could afford a more substantial meal.

"You did a really good job today Allen," Mana commented to the child as the two of them ate their small meal. He felt a little guilty that the meal was so meager and hoped that after a few more performances he would have enough money to buy them something more filling. But of course Allen never complained. At least not about that.

"Thank you," Allen said, having made some progress with his manners. They were still lacking in some ways but he was a thousand times better than when Mana had first taken him in.

Mana was proud of his little charge even though Allen still had a long way to go before the child was the perfect little gentleman that the clown knew he could become. But he was progressing faster than Mana had hoped for and that brought a smile to the clown's face.

This child was slowly teaching him to smile again.

Once the two of them had finished their meal Mana stretched his arms up over his head and then turned to Allen. "I think the two of us should get some rest. After all we have to be up early tomorrow so that we can get back to town before the crowds."

Allen nodded.

The two traveling performers had been staying near a town that was holding a festival and it had proven to be a golden opportunity for the two of them. If things continued on this way then they would be able to afford a real room in the next town that they visited. And more importantly to Allen they would be able to afford more food.

Mana watched as Allen snuggled down with the blanket that was serving as his bed for the night. The child curled up in a little ball, wrapping the blanket around his small form and using his arm as a pillow. He didn't seem to mind their current lodgings, or lack there of, but Mana still felt guilty.

_"When did I start feeling this way about him?" _Mana thought to himself as he watched Allen drift off to sleep. The child had a peaceful look on his face and he looked much more innocent in sleep than he ever did while he was awake. In sleep the scowl was gone. As he gazed down at the child Mana was actually somewhat surprised that he didn't sleep with that scowl plastered on his face. After all it was the expression that adorned the child's countenance most often so it only seemed natural that this would be how he appeared in sleep.

Not like this innocent little cherub that was curled up next to him.

Mana chucked to himself as he thought about how Allen would react if he could read Mana's mind at this present moment in time. He was fairly certain that the child would be irritated and possibly somewhat embarrassed. The little boy wasn't used to sharing emotions and tended to blush in such situations.

_"I'm sure he'll grow out of that."_

Opening up his suitcase Mana pulled out his own blanket, which was a little shabbier than the one that he had given to Allen, and made a bed a few feet from the spot where the child was sleeping. Wrapping himself up in much the same way that the child had Mana gazed at the still little form as he waited for sleep to claim him. He was exhausted after their long day of performing and Mana wanted nothing more than to drift off into a dreamless sleep. The best kind of sleep as far as he was concerned. His eyes grew heavier and Mana was about to drift off into blissful unconsciousness until...

A haunting and eerily familiar little tune filled the air.

Sitting bolt upright Mana gazed at Allen through wide open eyes, unable to believe what he was hearing. The child was still asleep but there was no mistaking that song that he was humming softly. It was the Musician's song, the one that Nicholas had used to control Noah's Ark. How...

The question didn't really need asking. Mana was well aware that there was only one way for this child to know that particular song and the words that he and Nicholas had exchanged on that fateful day returned to him in full force. Words about the person with whom Nicholas was going to leave the License of the Player. The person whose life would be forfeit so that Nicholas could return to the world of the living and exact his revenge on the Millennium Earl, the man who had taken everything from them. The man who had killed his brother.

_**"So who exactly are you going to use as this host?" Mana had asked his younger brother, a questioning expression in his eyes.**_

_**"I really don't know." Nicholas' reply had done nothing to help ease the tension that the conversation had evoked.**_

_**"Well don't you think that you should make a decision?"**_

_**Nicholas nodded. "I should but this isn't really the kind of decision that you can make on the spur of the moment. I need more power than I have currently to defeat the Earl so if I choose the wrong host then it's all going to be for nothing."**_

As he thought about this exchange between his brother and himself, Mana found himself wondering what had possessed Nicholas to leave his memories and the License of the Player with this little boy. He didn't seem to be particularly strong, although there was definitely something different about him, so why had Nicholas chosen him? Had he seen something in those piercing gray eyes?

"Why?" Mana murmured, his gaze locked on the sleeping child who was still humming the Musician's song softly in his sleep.

He had been fully prepared to help his brother lock his memories inside the body of another and yet now that he had found the one who held the License of the Player he found that he had reservations. Maybe it would have been better if he had known about Allen from the beginning. Maybe then he wouldn't have so much trouble reconciling with what he knew that Nicholas had done.

_"Nicholas,"_ he thought to himself, conjuring up a picture of the brother that he had lost. Nicholas had always had a rather roguish grin and even in his mind's eye this fact held true. _"I promised that I would help you but why... why did you choose this child?"_

_**"Circumstances beyond my control..."**_

"Oh great," Mana said, shaking his head. Now he was imagining voices in his head. This was his cue to stop thinking and just hope that everything would turn out okay. After all, Allen's fate had already been sealed by Nicholas. "I need sleep."

So Mana went to sleep to the sound of Allen softly humming the Musician's song.

A/N - and now Mana knows that Allen is the one whom his brother gave his memories to. How will he react to this new revelation? Stay tuned to find out.

Mana: .......  
Allen: Why are you staring at me like that?  
Mana: No reason.  
Allen: Stupid clown.


	10. The Heir of the Musician

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Ten - The Heir of the Musician

Now that Mana knew that young Allen was the person in whom Nicholas had sealed his memories he decided that he should teach the child the notes of the Score. After all, since the child already subconsciously knew the melody of the song, it only seemed natural for Mana to teach him the notes. But since Allen didn't seem to know anything about what had been done to him Mana decided to disguise this lesson.

But disguise it as what?

That was the question.

The clown and his young charge had been walking for most of the day and Mana decided that they could both use a bit of a break. After all the poor boy had been working hard to keep up to Mana's steps, which were much wider than his own, and although Allen didn't once complain the clown could tell that he was tired. The town that they were currently passing through was virtually abandoned on this sunny and yet cold day and Mana soon found himself sitting on some stone steps, with little Allen sitting beside him.

There was a small tree branch lying in the snow beside the steps where Mana was sitting and the clown gazed down at it for a few seconds, an idea beginning to form in his mind. Reaching out with one gloved hand he picked up the stick and twirled it between his fingers a couple of times before breaking it into two equal sized pieces.

"Hey Allen..."

The little boy glanced up at the sound of the clown calling his name and there was a curious expression in Allen's gray eyes. The eyes that so reminded Mana of the brother that he had lost. "What is it Mana?"

"How would you like to learn a secret code?" Mana asked, finally coming up with a way to teach the child the notes of the Musician's Score without revealing the knowledge of what it was to Allen. He would disguise it as a secret code, which should serve to make it entertaining enough for the child to memorize.

Allen tilted his head slightly to the side, lost in thought for a moment, and then nodded. "That sounds like fun."

Mana was happy that Allen was willing to learn what he had to teach and he offered one of the sticks to the child. Once Allen held the stick in his own gloved hand the clown set about drawing an assortment of little symbols into the snow at his feet. Then, once he had completed this task he began to teach Allen what each of the symbols stood for. As always the child was a quick study. After going over the symbols a few times Mana began to quiz the child by drawing various letters and having Allen draw the corresponding symbols.

Holding the stick in his gloved hand Mana traced out the letter m in the snow and then gazed expectantly at the little boy who was kneeling in front of him.

Allen held a thoughtful expression on his face for a few seconds, a rather comical sight considering how young the boy was. Then he traced out the corresponding symbol and gazed up at Mana to see if he had gotten it right. Nodding his head in approval Mana offered Allen a smile and then traced out another letter.

Mana wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there, drawing the little symbols in the snow, but he paused as he felt more snow beginning to fall. Gazing up from his work Mana noticed that the snow was falling fairly heavily and the clown got to his feet. "Come Allen, we should find shelter before the blizzard hits."

Looking up a wide grin spread across Allen's face as he watched the snowflakes fall. The child leapt to his feet and spun around in a circle, his mouth held wide as he sought to catch the little flakes of snow on his tongue. Mana watched the child for a few moments, marveling at how childish his actions were. Allen had the tendency to act much older than he actually was but he was slowly learning to be a child.

Mana laughed as Allen grew dizzy and fell back, landing on his behind with an audible thud. A scowl appeared on the child's face and Mana took this as the cue to get the two of them inside. "Come on Allen. A warm room sounds nice right now doesn't it?"

"Mmm," Allen replied as he got back to his feet.

Mana grabbed the suitcase that had been sitting beside him and together he and Allen made their way down the street. The two clowns walked in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Allen was still going over the secret code that Mana had taught him, a smile on his face. He was pleased that Mana had shared something so special with him and determined not to forget. Mana, on the other hand, was thinking about Nicholas once more. Wondering as he often did why his brother had chosen this child as his host.

It wasn't long before they came to a small inn and Mana reached for the door and motioned for Allen to enter. The child obeyed and then Mana walked in behind him, closing the door to keep out the cold. A teenage girl was standing at the front desk and she offered the two weary travelers a broad and friendly smile.

"Good evening," she said as Mana walked across the room, with Allen tagging along behind him.

"Good evening," Mana said, bowing politely. "We would like a room for the night if you have any available."

"Of course," the girl said.

Ten minutes later Mana and Allen made their way down the hall to the room that they had been directed to by the girl. Placing the key in the door Mana quickly unlocked it and he and Allen stepped inside. The room was nice, with two twin beds and a fireplace.

"Ah," Mana sighed as he placed his suitcase down on the floor and gazed around the room. "This is nice, isn't it Allen?"

"Mmm," the child replied, having already settled himself on one of the beds.

Mana smiled at the child as he opened his suitcase and pulled out a couple of books. One was a thick novel while the other was a child's chapter book. The former he placed on the single nightstand that stood between the two beds and the other he offered to the small boy who was seated on the bed. "Here Allen, I bought you something."

The child took the book in his hands, gazing at it with wide gray eyes. He was unfamiliar with the concept of a gift and he looked up at Mana curiously.

"I thought that you might enjoy it," Mana said as he sat down on his own bed and pulled off his shoes. "You know how to read right?"

Allen nodded. "Thank you Mana."

"You're welcome," Mana said as he picked up his own book. It hadn't been that expensive after all and every child should have at least one book to read. Perhaps when he had a little more extra cash he would buy Allen some more. If he enjoyed reading.

Leaning back against the headboard of the bed that he had claimed as his own Allen opened the book that Mana had given to him and was soon absorbed in the story. Reading his own book Mana cast covert glances over to the boy ever so often and a soft smile spread across his face as he saw the look of concentration in the little boy's gray eyes.

The book had been a good idea, he decided.

Mana and Allen spent almost an hour reading in silence and then the child put down his book and pulled three brightly colored little balls from the pocket of his coat. Walking across the room, so that he wouldn't disturb Mana, the little boy began to juggle.

"Did you get bored with the book?" Mana asked, looking up from his own.

"No," Allen replied as he juggled the little balls. "I finished it."

"Good job Allen," Mana said, marking his page and putting down his own book. "Did you like it?"

"Uh huh."

_"I'll definitely have to buy him some more books," _Mana decided as he watched the little boy practicing his juggling skills. The child was getting good at the trick and could now do it with seven balls instead of three. Mana had the feeling that Allen would be better at it than he himself before too long.

"Catch," Allen called out as he tossed the little balls toward Mana.

The older clown hadn't been paying attention and each of the little balls bounced off his forehead. Of course Allen found this absolutely hilarious and Mana shook his head as the little boy rolled around on the floor, howling with laughter.

"Come on Allen," he said after a few minutes. "It wasn't that funny."

"Yes it was," Allen said between giggles.

A/N - end of another chapter, hope that you enjoyed. Please leave a review and share your thoughts. I would very much like to know. Til the next time.


	11. Past, Present and Future

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Eleven - Past, Present and Future

The sun was shining high over head as the two clowns tossed little juggling balls back and forth between one another. This was a routine that Mana had first began with the little dog who had been his partner before Allen however he and the child had perfected it. After all, Allen had learned to do flips and other acrobatic moves while still juggling the little balls and the crowds absolutely loved this.

A particular crowd pleaser was when Allen did a one handed handstand and used his other hand to juggle back and forth with Mana. That move always earned a positive response from the crowds and Allen used any opportunity to use the move since he enjoyed hearing the cheers of the crowd. Cheers that Mana had told him over and over again were directed at him.

He still wasn't used to positive recognition from people after all.

Taking a couple of steps back Mana reached into a box that was positioned descreetly against a large crate and pulled out some rather unusual objects, which he then proceeded to toss to the boy. Without missing a beat Allen juggled the new objects as well as the four balls that he had been tossing back and forth with Mana. The little boy was even better at juggling than Mana himself now but instead of being jealous the older clown was extremely proud of his young charge.

Cheers erupted from the crowd and a small smile spread across Allen's face.

The two had been at it for hours and at this point Mana's back was aching terribly so he reluctantly decided that he needed a break, despite the fact that there was a large crowd gathered around him and Allen. He gazed down at the child, who was juggling an assortment of objects, and Allen offered him a smile. He seemed to know what Mana was going to say even before the clown uttered a single word. "Go rest Mana. I can take care of this."

Mana returned the child's smile and made his way over to a shady tree that he could sit under and lean his tired back against. He and the child had been performing non stop for hours and his back was aching something terrible. He wasn't sure if it meant that he was getting old or something else but he was decidedly irritated about it.

But he was proud of Allen.

The child was dutifully entertaining the crowd that had formed all by himself so that Mana could rest his sore back. Allen really was a good child and much of his anger had dissipated in the time that had passed since Mana had taken him in. Now he was far more likely to act like a little gentleman than the little street urchin that Mana had first met.

He really was a good child.

Not for the first time Mana found himself thinking about what his brother had done to this child. Allen had been given the License of the Player, as well as Nicholas' memories, and as a result of this 'gift' Allen was doomed to turn into the host necessary for the Musician's return. Mana wasn't entirely sure how long it would take but Allen would eventually gain the memories of his brother, the 14th Noah. And he would lose himself in the process. This damaged little boy, who had been given so little opportunity to truly live, was damned to lose himself to the memory of another.

And for the first time Mana wasn't sure how he felt about this fact.

Perhaps it would have been easier for him to reconcile himself with the way things had to be had he known what was done to Allen before he had the chance to bond with the child but now... Mana had grown attached to the little brown haired boy in the time that they had spent traveling together and yet he knew that Allen's time on this earth was limited.

"Nicholas..."

Memories of his brother descended upon Mana and he allowed his mind to wander back to the days that they had spent together. His brother had been the most important person in his world; so important that he had even been willing to take the life of another so that his brother could return to the world of the living.

There was nothing that he hadn't been willing to do for Nicholas.

The two brothers had even discussed the spell that was necessary to seal the Musician's memories inside the mind of another and Mana had offered to help Nicholas perform it. After all the life that had been forced upon his brother hadn't been fair and now, after having fought against a fate that he hadn't wanted, the boy was being hunted by the Millennium Earl.

The Millennium Earl... everything bad that had happened was his fault and Mana felt hatred well up inside him. He was the reason why Nicholas was dead and also the reason why little Allen was damned...

The sound of applause brought Mana back to the here and now and he gazed over at Allen and watched as the little boy bowed to the crowd and offered them a charming smile. The little boy was already a charmer and Mana found himself wondering what Allen would be like when he got older.

And this thought caused his eyes to open wide. He already knew what the child would be like when he got older because he was familiar with the person that Allen was doomed to become. When he got older Allen would be just like the Musician.

His future had been stolen from him.

The crowd began to disperse and Allen took the opportunity to run over to the spot where Mana was sitting underneath the tree. There was a wide smile across the child's face and his stormy gray eyes were practically dancing as he held out some coins that the crowd had given to him.

"Look Mana!"

"That's really good Allen," Mana said as he accepted the coins that his young charge was holding out to him. Allen loved to help and he was always so excited when he earned money that he could give to his foster father. "We'll have to buy something good for supper, as a treat."

Mana wouldn't have believed it possible but the boy's eyes grew even wider at the mention of food. The clown had learned quickly that Allen absolutely loved food and also that it was nearly impossible to give the child enough food to actually fill him up. He was like a bottomless pit and Mana often jokingly asked the boy if he had a hollow leg that he was using to store the food.

Allen always looked at him like he was crazy when he posed this question and it never failed to bring a smile to his face.

"So where shall we go next?" Mana asked the child who had came to sit beside him.

Allen shrugged, absently playing with a loose thread that was hanging from his costume. Mana wasn't really surprised by this response; Allen had never really seemed to care where they traveled to so long as the two of them went together. Having been abandoned by his birth parents because of his strange left arm Allen had an understandable fear of abandonment.

"I will never leave you Allen," Mana vowed, thinking both of his brother who had vowed to return to him and of the child that he had grown to care for. "As long as there is still breath within my body I will always be here for you."

Gazing up at the clown Allen said, "You're weird."

"You don't know the half of it kid," Mana said, reaching out and ruffling the boy's already unruly brown hair. "Now come on. I think that we've done enough work for one day. What do you say the two of us go and get something to eat?"

"Yea!" Allen exclaimed, jumping up and down before remembering that he was supposed to be a gentleman. The child calmed immediately and said, in a much more subdued voice, "I mean, yes please Mana."

Chuckling softly to himself Mana got to his feet, ignoring the sound of the vertebrae in his back popping in protest, and together he and the child made their way to the local diner. Mana wasn't certain exactly how much time Allen had left to be himself but he was determined to help the child make the most of it.

That would be his penance for what his brother had taken from Allen.

A/N - and that's the end of another chapter and now Mana's beginning to feel torn over what his brother did to Allen. Hope that you enjoyed reading this chapter, please leave a review and share your thoughts.


	12. The Unfairness of Life

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Twelve - The Unfairness of Life

Mana and Allen were standing out in an open field, away from the grounds of the circus that they were temporarily calling their home, and the two clowns were working on a new routine for their act. They had been a part of the show for a couple of weeks and Mana knew that they needed something new and exciting to spice up their act. Their livelihood depended on their ability to keep the crowds happy.

The older of the two clowns had borrowed a springboard from the acrobats and he was currently standing a few feet away from his young charge. For his part Allen was mentally prepping himself for the stunt that Mana had thought up to end their act. He was supposed to do a series of flips onto the springboard and then land on Mana's shoulders.

Or at least that was the plan.

Allen was still a little apprehensive about the actual execution of the move. His self preservation instinct had surfaced in full force and he couldn't keep his legs from shaking as he prepared himself for the move. From his position Mana offered the child an encouraging smile.

"You can do it Allen," he called out. "Trust me. I won't let anything happen to you."

Allen did trust his guardian, the only adult who had ever offered him kindness, and after taking a couple of deep breaths the boy launched himself into the series of flips. He landed squarely on the springboard and sailed through the air, his face set in concentration.

Mana kept his eyes focused on the child and he could tell that Allen's takeoff had been slightly off. This meant that Allen wasn't going to hit his target. Reacting instinctively he leapt forward and caught the little boy before he crash landed on the ground.

Allen had known that he was going to come up short the moment he launched into the air and he quickly clenched his eyes closed, as though that would shield him from what was about to happen. The child braced for impact but the impact that he was expecting never came.

In stead of hitting the ground he crashed into something infinitely softer.

Slowly opening his eyes Allen gazed up into the smiling face of Mana. Glancing around the child saw that he was lying in Mana's arms and that Mana was now sitting on the ground. The clown had caught him and the force of the impact had knocked him to the ground.

"I'm sorry Mana..." the boy said, looking guilty.

"Don't worry about it Allen," Mana said, shaking his head as he placed the child onto his own two feet. He could tell that Allen felt bad about messing up and he wanted the child to know that it was okay. "You just need a little practice, that's all."

"Right," Allen said, holding out his hand to his foster father.

Mana accepted the hand that the child was holding out to him and as he did so his thoughts flashed unbidden to the fact that Allen was doomed. And it was by his brother's hand that the little boy had lost all hope of having a life of his own.

When he had first discovered that Allen was the host that Nicholas had chosen he had been resigned to this fact; had even been happy at the prospect of seeing his brother again. But now that he had been caring for the child named Allen, Mana found himself constantly thinking about how unfair the situation was to the boy. Allen hadn't even been given a chance to make a place for himself in the world before his future had been stolen away from him.

"Why did it have to be him?" Mana thought to himself, clenching his hands into fists.

Noticing that a strange look had appeared in Mana's normally caring brown eyes, Allen gazed up at the man in confusion. It wasn't like his foster father to stare off into space and he was somewhat concerned. Reaching up he grasped Mana's shirt with one little hand. "Are you alright Mana?"

The sound of Allen's voice brought Mana back to the present and he stared down into a pair of concerned gray eyes. He could tell that the child was worried about him and he quickly forced a smile on his face so as not to worry Allen. "I'm fine Allen. I was just thinking is all."

"I don't think you should do that," Allen said, a grin spreading across his face and a mischievous light appearing in his eyes. "It doesn't seem to be turning out so well for you."

"You're right," Mana said, nodding his head. Most people would be highly offended and deny such a claim but Mana was not most people. He was in complete agreement with the child. "I shouldn't. So, are you ready to try that stunt again?"

Allen's eyes widened but he nodded none the less. Having missed the target the last time he wasn't in any big hurry to try it again but he wanted to please Mana so he would swallow his fear and force himself to do it. He would get it right, no matter how many times it took.

Mana found that he couldn't help but admire the boy's determination as he slowly made his way over to the starting point. He could tell that Allen was scared but that only made it more admirable that he was pushing forward anyway. Despite his fear he was willing to try again.

Everyone had fear, no one was immune. It was the true mark of bravery to push forward and do something, even when you were afraid. Very few people could do this and the fact that Allen, even at his young age, could was truly admirable.

_**"Keep moving... never stop... until the day you die."**_

Mana could hear Nicholas' words echoing in his head as clearly as the day that his brother had imparted that little piece of wisdom to him. This had been his mantra ever since he lost his brother; it was what had kept him going when all he had wanted was to quit.

"I'll have to share that advice with Allen," he thought as he watched the boy once again launch himself into the series of flips that would take him to the springboard. Mana drew in a quick breath as he realized that Allen wouldn't be able to move forward... at least not the Allen that he knew. "It's not fair," the clown thought as he watched the child fly through the air toward him. "He's just a child."

Allen's aim had been better on this second attempt and he managed to land on Mana's shoulders. Unfortunately he couldn't regain his balance and he felt himself begin to fall backward. Mana felt the boy falling to and he instantly dropped and jumped back, positioning himself so that Allen would land on his stomach.

"Umph," he said as the boy hit.

"I'm so sorry Mana..."

Mana opened his eyes to see a pair of gray ones gazing at him. Chuckling softly to himself he pushed the boy aside so that he could sit up. Allen quickly climbed from Mana's stomach and stood staring at his foster father. "It's alright Allen. No harm done."

"I'm so useless," Allen moaned.

Whirling around Mana grasped the boy by the shoulders, forcing the little boy to look him in the eye. He wanted to make sure that the child took the words that he was about to say to heart. "Don't ever say that Allen. You are not useless."

Somewhat surprised by the force of Mana's words all Allen could do was stare at the clown with wide gray eyes. He had never had anyone tell him that he wasn't worthless and the words meant more to him than he would ever say. Completely forgetting that he was supposed to be stoic and detached the child flung himself at Mana, burying his face in the clown's shirt.

Mana placed his hand gently on the boy's unruly mop of brown hair and allowed him to cry. And as he comforted the child by rubbing his back Mana was once again reminded of the fact that this child was doomed. And for the first time he found himself wondering if anything could be done to reverse what was done to Allen.

_"Is there a way to save him?" _he thought as Allen sobbed against his chest.

A/N - and now Mana's really beginning to have doubts about what happened to the little boy. He's attached to Allen and hates the thought of the child losing himself to the 14th. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	13. The Desire to Help

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Thirteen - The Desire to Help

Almost four years had passed since Mana took in the little orphan child named Allen and during this time span the clown had began to view the child as his own. It was true that he and Allen didn't share blood but that didn't matter. In all the ways that mattered the child was his own. And with this feeling came the profound desire to do something about what had been done to Allen by his brother, the Fourteenth Noah.

In the beginning Mana had mixed feelings about what his brother had done to the child. He had felt sad for the little boy but at the same time he was excited at the prospect of seeing his brother again. But this had all changed the closer he grew to the little brown haired boy.

Allen was completely unrecognizable as the child that Mana had first taken in. The little boy had grown taller and his brown hair was shorter but the physical changes were nothing compared to the change in the boy's behavior. The little brat that had first approached Mana at the circus was gone, replaced by the polite little gentleman that Allen had grown in to. His son...

_"Allen..."_

Now Mana still frequently thought about the brother who had been taken from him by the Millennium Earl but now that he had spent several years with Allen the clown found that he was somewhat angry over what had been done to the child. The man realized that he had been planning to take part in Nicholas' plan to implant his memories in a host but now that he had met the host that had been chosen...

He wanted to stop it at all costs.

Mana gasped as he realized that he actually wanted to do something about the spell that he knew his brother had cast upon the young boy. He had studied the spell in the days before his brother perished at the hands of the Millennium Earl and, although he didn't recall reading about a way to reverse the spell, he was determined to find one.

Allen deserved to have a life of his own.

_"I'm sorry Nicholas," _the clown thought to himself, his mind once again summoning an image of his younger brother. The brother whose eyes were an exact match for the gray eyes that met him eagerly every morning. _"I thought that I could go through with it but..."_

In this moment Mana made his decision. He was going to look for a way to reverse the spell cast by his brother so that Allen could have a life of his own. He felt a stab of guilt over this decision but his mind had been made up, which meant that he needed to find a book that he hadn't seen in years.

The same book of spells that Nicholas had used.

"Ugh," the clown groaned to himself, knowing who he was going to have to track down in order to get his hands on the book that he hadn't seen in years.

General Cross Marian.

The red haired Exorcist General, whom his brother had been acquainted with, wasn't really one of his favorite people but Mana realized that he needed the man's help. Which was unfortunate because Cross had never really been one for helping other people unless there was something to be gained for himself by doing it.

"I'm not looking forward to this," Mana muttered to himself as he packed his belongings and prepared to depart the town in which he and Allen had been staying for the past couple of days.

"So where are we going to now Mana?" Allen asked as he gathered up the few possessions that he had acquired over the years, placing them in a little shoulder bag.

"I have to look for someone," Mana replied in a quiet voice, his brown eyed gaze going over to the child. Cross was a pain to deal with but Mana reminded himself that he was doing this for Allen and that helped steel his resolve. He could put up with the obnoxious Exorcist if it would help his son.

"Oh," Allen said as he slung the little bag over his shoulder. "Okay."

* * *

It took a couple of months but Mana finally managed to track down the red haired Exorcist. Once he found the man that he had been searching for Mana left Allen in the room that he had rented at a local inn and then went to meet with the Exorcist General at a local tavern. Not really happy about having to come to such an establishment Mana stepped inside rather cautiously, his searching gaze sweeping the room. It didn't take much effort to find the person that he sought since the man's flaming red hair made him stand out in a crowd. As expected Cross was seated at the bar and appeared as though he had already consumed several drinks. The Exorcist gazed over at him as Mana sat down beside him and he offered the man a somewhat arrogant grin. "So you're still alive after all."

Mana rolled his eyes. "You already knew that. You've been following me for years."

Cross shrugged his shoulders, seeing no need to deny the obvious. He had made a deal with the Fourteenth before he had died; he'd promised the man that he would keep an eye on his brother until he returned from the other side of the grave. And, having been curious as to how the man intended to pull that one off, Cross had reluctantly agreed.

Now he knew.

"So what brings you here?"

"I need the book that you got from Nicholas," Mana replied, focusing a piercing gaze on Cross. He knew that the Exorcist had the spell book but what he was less certain about was how willing Cross would be to relinquish it to him. After all it was a fairly valuable item among magicians and not many of them would willingly give up possession of such a treasure. But Mana was determined to gain possession of it at any cost.

"Why?" Cross demanded.

"There's a spell I need," Mana said, refusing to bring Allen into this. He didn't want anyone to know what had been done to the child lest he fail in his efforts to reverse the spell cast by the Musician. The knowledge of that would remain with him.

"And what if I tell you that I don't have it," Cross said, gazing at Mana intently.

"I know better," Mana said, determined to gain possession of the book. "Now let's cut to the chase. Tell me exactly what you want in exchange for that book."

A glint appeared in the one red eye that was visible as Cross gazed at the man who was sitting beside him. He could tell that the traitor Noah's brother was afraid of what he might ask however, for once, Cross didn't require payment. The golem that he had acquired from the Fourteenth had been recording the clown and his young charge, which meant that he already had the information that he required.

Reaching down he opened a suitcase that was sitting at his feet and pulled from it a thick, leather bound book. He offered it to Mana, enjoying the look of shock that appeared on the man's face. It was obvious that Mana didn't trust his actions but Cross didn't care.

He roughly shoved the thick book into the clown's arms.

"I'll leave the book for you in my room at the inn," Mana said as he got to his feet. "You may have it back once I have left."

"Whatever," Cross said, waving a hand over his shoulder. He knew what Mana was intending to do and he also knew that the man had less than a twenty five percent chance of actually succeeding. The spell to reverse the one cast by the Fourteenth was far more complex than most and would require an exceptionally skilled magician to pull off.

"There's no way he's gonna succeed," Cross muttered, draining the wine glass that he was holding in his hand.

* * *

Once he had the spell book Mana returned to the inn where he had left Allen. When he opened the door he found that the child was lying on one of the beds, sound asleep. With a small smile on his face Mana sat down on the edge of the other bed and flipped open the spell book.

It took a couple of hours but Mana finally found the spell that he had been looking for. He was ecstatic to find that there was a reversal spell however his face fell as he saw exactly how complicated said spell was. This would take some work but Mana was determined to try.

He would do anything to save his son.

"I'm sorry Nicholas," he whispered as he memorized the words of the spell. "But I have to do this for him. Please forgive me."

A/N - Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.


	14. Too Late

Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Fourteen - Too Late

"Come on Allen," Mana said, gazing over at the child who was sitting cross legged on the bed. "We're leaving again."

"Alright," Allen said, jumping up and rushing to gather up his meager belongings. He was used to the routine of packing up and leaving in a hurry and without notice so this was normal to him. Within five minutes he had his little shoulder bag packed and was gazing at Mana expectantly.

The clown smiled at the child as he gathered up his own belongings. Today was an important day and yet Allen would never know exactly how important. The child knew nothing of what had been done to him and Mana had every intention of keeping it that way.

"Hey," the child said as they made their way to the door. The little boy pointed back to the nightstand, where a very large book was resting. "You're forgetting your book Mana."

"It's okay," Mana said, remembering his promise to Cross to leave it in the room. He wasn't even certain whether the red haired Exorcist would come for it but that didn't make him any less determined to keep his word. After all, he was better than that man. "I no longer need it."

"Alright," Allen said with a shrug. He thought that it was odd that Mana was leaving a book behind, since the few that he owned were all precious to him, but he knew enough not to question. Mana had a strange look in his eyes and the little boy got the feeling that his foster father wouldn't explain to him even if he were to ask. And he didn't want to cause a problem so he kept his mouth shut.

"Today's going to be a good day Allen," Mana called out as he and the child left the inn and began making their way down the street. He was in a good mood and this soon spread to the child who was tagging along behind him. A smile spread across Allen's face.

Mana had finally memorized the spell that was required to reverse the one that his brother had cast upon Allen. It had literally taken him weeks to work through the spell and to memorize the words and everything that went along with it. After all, since he had a child with a ravenous appetite to support he couldn't devote as much time to it as he would have liked.

Much of his time had to be spent performing on the streets for money.

He had finally managed to do it however and now he and the child were making their way across town. They needed to get away from civilization, so that no one would interrupt, and Mana was leading the way to the edge of town. There was a forest on the north end of town and this was where Mana was going to cast the spell that would save Allen from the memories of the Fourteenth.

Mana still wasn't certain when exactly the boy had began to mean so much to him; all he knew was that he would give his life for Allen if it became necessary. The child was his world now and he would do anything for him, even break the promise that he had made to his brother.

_"I'm sorry Nicholas..."_

Mana was brought out of his thoughts by a small hand tugging on the hem of his top coat. Turning around he gazed at Allen over his shoulder, seeing the terror that filled the boy's gray eyes. It was in this moment that he heard the horses and the carriage that was thundering toward them.

Without a thought for his own safety Mana shoved Allen back so that the boy would be out of the path of the runaway carriage. He heard the sound of the child's small body hitting the ground but he didn't have time to dwell upon it. Mana made a move to jump out of the way of impending disaster but he found that he wasn't fast enough.

The carriage struck the man, sending him rolling across the ground.

Allen's gray eyes widened even further as he watched his foster father get struck by the carriage, which continued foward until it struck a nearby building. The horses broke free at this point and ran off, still wearing their harnesses.

"Mana!"

The piercing screams of the child filled the air and Mana forced his eyes open and gazed at the little boy through the veil of pain that seemed to surround him. He could tell, by the fact that he was beginning to grow cold and his vision was blurring, that death was fast approaching. Mana lamented the fact that he hadn't been able to reverse the spell that his brother had placed upon Allen but there was nothing that could be done at this point.

If only he'd made the decision sooner or else learned the spell faster.

Now it was too late.

"Get up Mana..."

"Allen..." Pulling himself forward, Mana reached out a shaky hand and grasped his son's thin arm. "Always keep walking... never stop... until the day you die."

After imparting these important words to Allen, his son, Mana allowed himself to succomb to the darkness. It was his dearest hope that his child would take them to heart, just as he had, and that the little boy would keep moving forward.

_"I'm sorry," _he thought as the darkness wrapped around him. _"Nicholas... Allen... I failed you both."_

A/N - And that's the end. This chapter was really short but that's okay. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey. Please, if it's not too much trouble, leave a final review as you leave.


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